“I think men get better as they get older. Women demolish themselves and men manage, it's quite unfair, but that's how it is. "
Serge Gainsbourg, Pensées, provocs et autres volutes
After 40 , many men feel overwhelmed when it comes to seducing . Either because they have never met the right person or because they are coming out of a divorce.
In reality, it is still quite possible to wreak havoc and attract the most beautiful women.
Instructions for the seducer of 40 years and more.
Today, it is not uncommon to still be single in your forties.
Note that around 40% of households in France are made up of a single person.
Also tell yourself that 30% of men between 40 and 60 are single. Or 1 in 3. If this is your case, you are far from being alone in the world like Tom Hanks.
From there, 2 scenarios that we will explore!
You have never met the right person for a long relationship
1. Do not complex about your age.
Look around! Girls who wander around the arm of a guy who seems to be at least 15 years older than them , we see them everywhere and every day.
For the record, I once went out with an 18-year-old girl. At that time, I had 23. Nothing too surprising so far. But let's continue.
This story quickly ended. But, I kept cordial relations with this ex.
So, one fine day, I invite her for my birthday party in my apartment. She asks me if she can come accompanied. So, me, great lord, I accept with good heart.
But, she tells me that she is embarrassed, because he is much older than us.
And in the end, it was a very tasty moment, because the guy in question gave advertising creation lessons in the business school where I was.
So clearly, we were at home with my friends who had courses in creative advertising with the guy of my ex who was 18 years old. And the guy was easy 30 more . And it was neither George Clooney nor Pedro Pascal.
Just a quadra (fifties?), Advertising teacher.
All this to say that you really should not complex on your age. You can even make an advantage of it.
Listen to all the women trumpeting on all the rooftops they look for in a man "from experience, experience, maturity" and all the synonyms that can be related to that.
I think most women have all slept at least once with a much older guy.
To see the same thing with guys, it was still necessary to wait until the big pundits of marketing worked hard to put the cougar on the front of the stage.
It's still great news!
2. Define your ideal girl
Even if you are still single , you are reaching a point in your life when you now have enough bottles to know exactly what you want and what you want in a relationship.
Well, of course, any man would be tempted to answer that he is looking for a 20-year-old blonde model with long hair, an opulent chest and long, long legs.
But take the time to reflect. You can do it to flatter your ego , but is it really what you need to thrive in the long run ? Ask yourself seriously and objectively.
And try to visualize exactly how you imagine your future relationship.
Learn to be present on all terrains to seduce at 40
Work on all possible channels to meet women . If you have been single for a long time, you probably have your habits in certain places or in certain bars.
Make it your headquarters and try to meet new people.
Use your social circle . Nothing like friends or common interests to meet new people. And don't hesitate to use the internet. We will come back to this later.
2nd scenario if you are solo around 40: you have just divorced, in a more or less close past.
You just divorced
Seduce at 40
3. Take the time to grieve
In my opinion, you must absolutely accept your sadness . Beware of the boomerang effect. The more you try to repress your sentence, the more likely it will come back in your face at one time or another.
Today in France, 45% of marriages end in divorce. However, basically, by the time you arrived in front of the mayor with your suit and your wedding ring, you never thought that it might happen to you to get divorced one day.
Perhaps over time you have come to accept or even ask for this divorce. However, it is normal to feel a sense of failure . Even ashamed of being alone.
Remember that just because you are not in a relationship does not mean that you will no longer see anyone and live in total isolation.
Today, long-term celibacy is increasingly accepted by a society which has almost made it a way of life. Note that 14 million people in France are single.
This means that there are really multiple possibilities to meet new people who are in the same situation as you. Including women.
Assume to be a single quadra. This is the key.
4. Forget the past and look to the future
To move forward, you absolutely have to work on your emotions and get rid of the past in order to be able to look at the future calmly.
Maybe you want your ex-wife to death or she betrayed you.
But to move forward, you will quickly have to empty your bag and put it back on your back to resume your path and continue your life.
I really invite you to do this personal work so as not to be emotionally handicapped in the future. Be accompanied by a professional if you feel the need.
Also, also agree to resume a single life.
Take things in hand in the management of your daily life. Maybe if you stayed with the same woman for a long time, she was the one who managed certain aspects of your life.
Now, you will have to fend for yourself. At first it might seem a little difficult, but if you organize yourself well, everything will be fine.
Maybe your wife was in charge of managing the finances, your meals or ironing your shirts.
Make the right decisions. And don't be afraid. You are faced with new things to learn and new responsibilities.
Learn how to plan your budget. Take cooking classes. Go to the laundry more often. And do whatever is necessary to reorganize your daily life in the absence of the one that is no longer there.
Do not let the void settle in the details of everyday life. In addition, by doing this, you will regain a little confidence in your abilities.
And if you really don't get by, don't be afraid to ask for help or use the necessary services.
5. Regain self-confidence
After a divorce or break-up, chances are you will really feel rejected.
Ideally, even if you are a couple, it is best to continue to have projects to do sports , to take care of you, to see your friends and keep a social circle expanded.
But once in a relationship, we tend to let go, forget all that and procrastinate in our little cocoon.
Which means that today you find yourself alone, friendless and potentially out of shape with unwanted extra pounds.
Maybe your ex-wife cheated on you, maybe she said some really horrible things to you when you broke up.
Maybe you feel ugly , you feel fat and you are sure that the best is behind you.
Maybe even worse! You tell yourself that if you have not been able to make this relationship work as you wish, it is probably because there is something wrong with you.
Clearly, you have morale at the bottom of the socks. You really need to regain confidence and believe in yourself and your worth.
To start, get back into sport. Nothing like it to gradually regain confidence.
But if you haven't practiced for a long time, be careful. Go see a doctor and start with gentle activities.
Know for example that table tennis is the sport where there are the most cardiovascular accidents. So go slowly and choose your activity wisely.
Likewise, take care of yourself and your appearance. Your wardrobe probably needs a facelift.
But on the other hand, strive to have a look that matches your age . Nothing worse than a quadra trying to get younger.
A bit like these retirees who still wander around Marseille in leather pants and perched on stilettos while they look like old withered apples (That's when they didn't do a facelift). I let you imagine the effect.
So, we avoid everything that is too fashionable, too washed out, the jeans with holes and the t-shirts too close to the body.
Instead, invest in some nice jackets , a pair of shoes and a nice watch. And take care of your hygiene : your teeth, your hair, your hands, your perfume ...
Then find the hobbies you have abandoned . You used to go to the theater, the stadium or go around the lake every Sunday. Repeat. You need to recreate your own habits.
Finally, go further and take stock of your life.
Is there something you want to do? Consider professional retraining? Start a new sport? Buying a motorcycle? Change city? Change country ? Is there a dream that you gave up "for your couple"?
It's time ! No, it's not the quarantine crisis. It is simply taking control of your life.
After his divorce, my former boss in a digital communication agency created his company, started skating, snowboarding and wakeboarding and today he goes out with women that many would envy him ...
So maybe you have kids, a job you can't leave or a tight budget, but there is bound to be something new you can do.
Become the man you want to be for the rest of your life.
6. embark on digital seduction
If you've been in a relationship for a long time, you may have missed the boom in dating and social media. And maybe you're not sure how to get started in this new world.
For starters, know for example, as suggested by the ad that we see everywhere in all bus stops that there are 10 million French people who have a profile on the Adopteunmec.com site .
Above all, if you do not already have one, create an account on Facebook and start to enhance it regularly. And to find out more, I invite you to discover this article on flirting on Facebook.
It's a great way to put yourself forward, to talk about yourself, your life and your habits without appearing to be.
When you go to meet women, Facebook will help you stay in touch with them. There are even some who will contact you and "like" your status or your photos.
Then sign up for a dating site like Adopteunmec or an app like Tinder . You don't know how to use the app? This article gives you tips!
You may say to yourself that this kind of thing is not made to have serious relationships ?
This is false and I can tell you since I have already met girls on the internet with whom I have stayed for several years.
Doesn't the ad say that 397 stories start every day on Meetic!
Now, the bonus tips to seduce 40 years old!
What if you have children?
Are you afraid that your children will become a concern for meeting women? For my part, I suggest that you speak about it fairly quickly.
If this woman does not accept them, you might as well find out right away. Remember that having children will affect your daily life and your schedule.
Then it's up to you to do some awareness so that everything goes well. Children may feel a little disturbed by a new encounter.
Explain to them well that she will never replace their mom, but that you must continue your life.
Women are more likely to accept a man who already has children. But if they start to get in the way of you, it can still get complicated.
Pay attention to it, and be firm both with it and with your children. Who's the boss ?!
And if you still live with your ex
Unfortunately, this is often a temporary obligation for those to whom it happens.
The main reason that you can live with your ex is the financial aspect . With low wages and real estate prices, it can be very difficult to regain your independence.
You may also own a common property and have to pay a loan that prevents you from finding a new home.
In my opinion, try as much as possible to avoid this kind of situation. Prefer to live for a while with someone in your family, with friends. Take a roommate if necessary!
At first, the situation will probably be bearable if you stay under the same roof as your ex.
But when each of you begins to take control of your life and meet new people , the situation can quickly become explosive.
If you really have no choice, try to set rules anyway. Whatever happens, put some distance between you and your ex-wife. And don't be afraid to start your life over.
It is not because you live under the same roof that you should remain frozen without advancing in your relationship life until the situation changes.
Focus on your friends, family or work. And do not hesitate to leave the home to ventilate yourself whenever you feel the need.
Finally, another quote from Gainsbourg that I really like:
“Difficult faces like mine are chiselled and, when they reach their forties, become interesting. "
Remember-in. It cannot be said that Gainsbourg was originally a paragon of physical beauty.
The main thing to remember: whether you have been alone forever or divorced at 40 , you really have to keep believing in it, because you still have good years of seduction in front of you.
You just have to want it, to take it in hand and not to let yourself be put down.
Are there forties and divorcees among you who would like to share their story or a tip that allowed them to bounce back?